PIGEON-FEED

Furious Pigeon; now Big in Japan.
Dear Furious Pigeon, what is the 'relationship' between you and Phil Davis? You mention him more than anyone else in your match reports as if he's special to you. Barney Timmins, Ipswich
What kind of name is 'Barney'? Being from Suffolk I am imagine that you have a special 'relationship' with your sister that the authorities don't know about; so don't try to make out that I'm a gay. Go and plough a field, you farmyard-fuck. Phil Davis is a writer for the furious-pigeon blog, he reports on himself because he's an arrogant and conceited, little, twat, like you.

Dear Furious Pigeon, You seem like you've been around the block a few times, I've got a kilo of bolivian cocaine. How do I cut it? Darren Williams, Highbury
I've forwarded your e-mail address onto the police, Darren, you tit. Don't do drugs, kids.


Dear Furious Pigeon, me and my uni friends have a debate and decided that only you cn be the decider because you're a legend. Who would win out of a fight between a silverback gorilla and a black bear? Brett Roberts, Barnsley
Finally an interesting question. Well, both are fully in charge of their terrortory so it would depend who was at 'home' but on neutral ground I think the black bear with his superior reach, including vicious claws, and awesome strength would kill a silverback outright. I don't mean to 'diss' the silverback but respect the bear.


Dear Pigeon, how do you mate? Is it doggy-style or what? Kelly Willis, Shrewsbury
No, watch the discovery channel, Kelly. It's hard to explain. I have been on the 'recieving-end' of doggy-style but not through choice, can't say that I enjoyed it. I prefer blowjobs or tit-wanks. Thanks for bringing back painful memories, Kelly.

Dear Furious Pigeon, I'm having the girl of my dreams over for dinner in two weeks, what do I cook? What wine do I buy? Mike Smith,
Pinot grigot is a nice white wine. If she prefers red wine, get Fitou chateau de la grange 2004 (don't be put off by the name; it's only £4.95 per bottle so get two. If I want to spoil my wife I cook grilled asparagus (put a bit of butter on it while it grills), a 10oz fillet steak (do it justice and cook it rare or blue though, mate, that's what steak is for), creamy mashed potato (made with butter) with peppercorn sauce. Seriously, she won't leave your cock alone after that.