PAUL: THE OTHER ONE

Furious Pigeon's latest target is the defender that they call 'El Loco'-the crazy one...it's Paul Slater.

NAME:Paul Gengazedi Slater

DOB:23-04-1984

POB:Yaounde, Cameroon

POSITION:Defender

This season has seen the JD Lions pin-up boy rise to prominence, solid at the back and very sharp (just like his hair) and is a firm favourite with the female fans.

"Yes, I tend to get alot of stick from the lads for being the 'pretty-boy' of the bunch and they're all jealous because I get to do all of the hair product adverts." Slater or 'Slate' certainly is 'worth it' as he has stopped goals aswel as scored them this season; he is the highest scoring defender in the team with five goals:

"I like to get forward from time to time, it's just a football ethos that was instilled into me growing up as a Newcstle United fan...and being a David Beckham fan, he was my idol. The way 'becks' performed and carried his team like a soldier was inspiring to me and his hair is absolutely fabulous...he's the complete package."

Slater has been part of the Bryan Munich and Back-Inter-Bryan franchise that saw a positive shift in loyalties, just like his defensive partner Richie Summefield, he switched to rivals JD Lions to pursue his ambitions: "I wanted to win things and that meant a fresh start because it had gone kind of stale at Bryan after we'd got promotion to division four and I moved, you know I had moved into an apartment with my girlfriend Becky." much to the dismay of women and gays everywhere (a samaritans helpline phone number was launched to deal with traumatised teenage girls and gays.)

Following his four years with the 'Bryan franchise' Slater is now a committed and mature squad member for JD although his boss James Walker tends to disagree: "I love Slate to bits, I really do but he has his crazy moments, but all is forgiven...it's his hair, it's incredible." The JD manager is referring to Slater's disciplinary record; sent off twice so far this season already but Slater (as is his nature defends this): "Yes, yes, I suppose that I do have a few moments where the red mist descends but its only because I'm such a passionate and sexual being and my frustrations are vented as 'performance art' or just chopping people down from behind."

Having spent the entire day interviewing Paul Slater, the furious pigeon can confirm that he is a charming man with a magic hairdo; but will it be a case of 'hair-today; gone tommorow' or will he continue on with JD in the promotion race? And could he be the missing part of the jigsaw puzzle?

Paul Slater's book: 'In my defence...' is out now, priced £14.95 published by Gash-Pages.