LOKOMOTIV SELLY OAK 0-1 BALSALL HEATHENS FC (ht:0-0)
at The People's Republic of Selly Oakgrad Stadion.
Second placed Balsall Heathens promotion campaign is still going thanks to a late winner over new-boys Lokomotiv Selly Oak on sunday night. Brett Ormorod scored the winner from a Jason Wilcox cross following a defensive mix-up between Shotton and Oldfield. Lokomotiv had set the early pace as they pushed the ball around comfortably and kept posession well and even had the first effort on goal when Dandy's low cross-shot found Oldfield who got caught in two minds and fired wide! Lokomotiv spurned another chance to take the lead when Owen Dimbylow put Dandy through on goal, unfortunately he was denied by the woodwork. Lokomotiv 'keeper Phil Davis had to sharp at the other end making a double-save from Andy Legg and Wilcox's rebound, the half ended goaless.
Shotton and Summerfield were keeping the backline solid for Lokomotiv who looked like going on to win the game if anything but with two minutes left on the clock player/manager Matt Shotton tried to offload the ball to Oldfield who was well out of position, Wilcox stole the ball and squared it hard and low and Ormerod's first time connection sent the ball past Davis at the far post and into the back of the net. Wilcox almost got on the scoresheet in injury time as he was put through by Julian Dicks but flicked the ball over the bar but Balsall Heathens had done enough.
Player/manager Mat Shotton remained upbeat despite defeat: "Hey let's get it straight, okay, two sets of players that I've brought together-they didn't know eachother as they've not even trained together and we've gone out there tonight and nearly won us match, so, you know, y' can't be too critical, 'appen we've run us socks off and I'm proud of 'em." Lokomotiv actually managed to move up one place thanks to next weeks opponents Standard Li-Angley's 0-5 defeat. It will be a real relegation battle next sunday: "Oh aye it's gunna be a battle, because they'll want to beat us real badly it literallly is a six-pointer even though it's two points for a win." Said the yorkshire gaffer.
1.Davis 2.Summerfield 3.Shotton(c) 4.Oldfield 5.Martyn(sub:9.Dandy) 6.Dimbylow
DIVISION TWO
REAL JD 7 (SEVEN)-0 PREVIOUSLY ON LOST (ht: 3-0)
at City of Selly Oak Stadium, Birmingham.
Real JD earned their first win in six attempts as they trounced 'Previously-On-Lost' by seven goals. Alex Dandy picked up the man-of-the-match award for his four-goal salvo and it was much deserved as he almost single-handedly tore Previouly apart time and time again to keep the new boys bottom of the table. It was Dandy who opened the scoring after Dave Sorensen had seen an earlier spot-kick saved by 'keeper Frode Grodas, however following Dandy's goal Carlos got in on the act as he nonchelantly flicked the ball into the top corner and then player/manager James Walker rifled in a fierce drive to make it three-nil at the break.
Alex Dandy didn't need any encouragement as he set off on a mazy run, beating Mark Draper for pace and finished with aplomb to make it four-nil. Moments later and Dandy had completed his hat-trick as he stumbled through one challenge and drilled the ball past Grodas to make it five-nil. Carlos scored his second of the game with a thumping drive but the final word went to Alex Dandy who grabbed his fourth and to complete the rout, seven-nil.
James Walker: "Absolutely brilliant, we didn't let up at halftime we wanted to go out and get as many as possible and we've got a clean-sheet, get the goal-difference up and try and get our promotion campaign back up and running, we've got a huge game against PL Quake next week and in this kind of form I think we can get the right result there, if we do and other results go our way, we could go fourth on sunday."
1.Davis 2.Summerfield 13.Swannick(sub:23.Slater) 4.Walker 12.Sorensen 9.Dandy(sub:17.Carlos)
FRIENDLYJD-LIONS 4-2 MAYPOLE HEROES FC (ht:2-1)
at City of Birmingham Stadium, Birmingham.
JD Lions gained an invaluble couple of points from a five-nil forfeit victory due to no opposition which has meant them keeping pace in division four still in fifth place but with an enviable goal-difference of +16. Maypole Heroes were a decent test for Lions but they were well beaten as irresistable Alex Dandy scored a sensational hat-trick.
Maypole actually took the lead with a decent strike from Richard Sneekers who shook off the attention of Richie Summerfield for the only time in the game and beat Davis with a low drive. JD Lions were soon back in it with a Dandy goal which just squeezed beneath 'keeper Craig Forrest and into the back of (A very tatty, weather beaten net) moments later and Walker put Lions infront with a dipping long-range strike that caught Forrest unawares and it was 2-1 at halftime.
Lions 'keeper Phil Davis had one of his better evenings as he tipped a long-range effort from Andy Sinton onto the post and moments later frustrated Hagi as he finger-tipped a curling shot onto the opposite post. Dandy promptly took a beutifully weighted through-ball from Summerfield to beat Forrest at his near post to make it 4-1. Anthony Le-Tallec pulled one back for Maypole late on from a quickly taken free-kick by Georghe Hagi but JD Lions saw out time very comfortably with Dave Swannick, who got man-of-the-match, and Summefield dominating the backline as they had done all evening.
"Yeah it was good, Dave Swannick seems back to his best and Rich was as reliable as ever, Phil's made a couple of top class saves there, to be fair, aswel, so its an all-round good result with Dandy getting a hat-trick...no complaints really except now I have a selection head-ache between Swannick and Slater at the back who've both been superb the last few weeks but we need to just do what we've been doing tonight from now-until-the-end-of-the-season and we could sneak promotion, who knows?!" Said player/manager Walker.
1.Davis 2.Summefield 13.Swannick(sub:23.Slater) 4.Walker 12.Sorensen 17.Carlos(sub:9.Dandy)
SPITTING FEATHERS AND OPINIONS ALL OVER YOUR BITCH-ASS! -weekly football round-up from the pigeon
1. Johnstones Paint matches (or whatever they call the mickey-mouse challenge trophy these days) go straight to pens after 90 minutes drawn. Surely this common sense will spread to the FA, UEFA and FIFA?! Golden goal, silver-goal and next-goal-the-winner never worked effectively enough so why not get rid of extra-time? Referee's, fans, players and press don't want it because if you can't find a winner during an hour and a half...another half-hour when all the players are fucked is not going to help.
2. Maybe UEFA are getting round to dealing with the important decision about extra-time now that they've solved that UEFA cup headache. If you don't know what I'm on about then I shall tell you; the UEFA cup is now the 'EUROPA-LEAGUE' Brilliant name isn't it, there's a new logo and everything! And the format will be like the champions league except with 900 teams from obscure baltic states. As of next season these new 'measures' will be in place. Michel Platini described the Europa-league as "Very exciting indeed." It's given me a stiffy, what about you?
3. Whilst i'm on the subject of people wasting time and money through not actually doing their fucking job...let's turn attention to South Africa's world cup preparations: They have unveiled their World Cup 2010 mascot (which is vital, I'm sure you'll agree) Yes a leopard with an afro! They even have the costume made up and a man parading it on YouTube which is fascinating to watch...well done South Africa you've done the hard part, now just go and build some fucking stadiums, sort out your economy and crime epidemic.
4. It wouldn't be right not to mention Newcastle would it? They've had another cataclysmic week losing against the worst premiership team in the, funny shape, of Tottenham Hotspur and appointing relegation master Joe Kinnear as 'interim manager'. The last time that I heard someone describe as being 'interim' to take charge of somthing was the temporary president of Iraq and it all seems to be hunky dory over in Iraq, so the only way is up, Magpies, you fucking mess.
5. Well done to Hull for their latest away win at the London City of the United Arab Emirates Stadium against bad-losers Arsenal. What a goal by Geovani (I had to SKY+ it and have a wank)And shame on the cry-baby Gooners who'll probably be Chelski 'fans' by monday morning. Sulky twats, try supporting a real football club.
6. Spurs are gruesome to watch aren't they? They should get rid of Juande Ramos before they find themselves in the Fizzy-Pop divisions wondering what went wrong.
7. I was right about Christina Ronaldo, she gets free-kicks and penalties whenever she's tackled. That penalty against Bolton nearly made me vomit blood especially as Christina took the penalty herself, she should be ashamed of the reputation that she has given women. Please don't let football become netball, God, please...I'll go to church and everything.
8. Anybody got a clue what Andy Johnson is doing at Fulham? The only thing I saw him try to do against West Sham was get sent off and he managed it (at the third attempt) Put him out of misery and sign him someone, he's clearly not happy.
9. As a midlander it was nice to see Blues, Villa, Albion, Wolves and Walsall all win this weekend, lovely stuff. Fuck Coventry.
10. Has Joe Kinnear been out of the game for so long that he's forgotten not to swear live on Football Focus? It doesn't look good for Newcastle does it? "Fuck no." said Kinnear...maybe he's got tourettes!? Twatty-bollocks, fuck!
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