Friday, 11 July 2008

TOP FIVE: "PLAYED OUT OF POSTIONS"


Footballers who play out of their position. Discuss!
From time to time in football, players will adopt a role on the pitch that they are less suited to, usually born out of need rather than desire, often noteworthy and always highly amusing (provided it doesn't happen to your team.)
1.Rio Ferdinand: It seems, almost, ironic that Rio Ferdinand is number one in this list, because for twenty minutes he was number one for Man Utd last season. Van Der Sar's clicky-hip meant that sub-keeper Kuszak came on at half time and as soon as he was called into action he was given his marching orders for a professional foul on 'britains next top model' Milan Baros.
I'm sure I was not the only person sniggering as 'England's number twenty-seven' pulled on an ill fitting 'keeper jersey and gloves and pretended he knew what he was doing as he dived like a penguin, getting no-where near Sulley Muntari's spot-kick. Luckily for Rio, Pompey sat back to defend their lead after that, I can only imagine how comical things would have been.
2.John Terry: Bit serious, this one. All's well that ends well for Chelski, though so no-harm done...I say no harm done, Reading desperately wanted to get somthing out of this game which meant putting not one, but both of the Lions 'keepers into a meat wagon! Hunt didn't mean to hurt Petr Cech, according to the ever-impartial Steve Coppell, I agree. It didn't seem that Hunt did want to hurt Cech-I think he had designs on turning him into a vegetable. Hunt had to make do with only fracturing the czech goalie's skull, requiring emergency neuro-surgery and a metal plate to prevent brain damage. It didn't end there: Cudicini was given some ice-hockey treatment by Ibrahima Sonko forcing Cudicini to swallow his tongue. (his own tongue, not Sonko's) So courageous John Terry went in goal and rescued a point for 'the blues'. He must've been shitting himself.
3.David James: Cast your mind back a couple of seasons. Stuart Pearce's Man city side were playing Middlesboro for a place in the UEFA cup at The City of Manchester Stadium, which is located near Manchester City centre...can you guess which team play their home games there? In the second half Pearce had to do somthing to win this game, go 4-3-3....4-2-4? Bring on an extra attacker? He didn't need to bring on an extra attacker, because he was already playing in goal! David James went up-front and Nicky (I'm not fat, I'm just big-boned)Weaver played on between-the-sticks. Comedy ensued as 'Jamo' fouled, fell over and even kick two team-mates up in the air as he was trying to have a pop at goal. Man city got what they deserved, fuck all. And Pearce eventually got sacked and people who thought he'd be the next England manager went and hid. I love a happy ending.
4.Iain Dowie: When god was handing out 'good-looks'; baby Iain Dowie was being dropped, repeatedly, on his head, by an uncaring mother. Never-the-less he grew up to be a great goalscorer (with a head shaped liked a sheriff's badge). Which is why when 'Sloth from The Goonies' look-a-like winner from 1984-until-present, played in defence for southampton one night he scored the most deliberate looking own goal ever. Striker's cannot defend. The Saints lost and unsurprisingly 'gammon-head' never played at the back again.
5."George Weah's cousin": No-body really knows what position 'Ali Dia' favoured. He was woeful but hysterical, you can question his validity at being placed in this list all you want but it's a funny story. He fancied himself as a striker, according to Matt Le-Tissier, but Souness plonked him in the middle of the park after 'God' was injured and subbed on 32 minutes. It became apparent that Ali Dia was not whom he claimed and Ken Monkou had to come on to replace him before things got worse. Unfortunately for 'Souey' they already had, they lost the game 0-2 to Leeds and the moustachioed-scotsman eventually got sacked.

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