MIDDLESBOROZIL NEWS

Middlesborozil 1-1 Codename Forty-Seven
Left-back Richie Summerfield grabbed a vital equaliser to earn 'Boro a draw last night and he is the recipient of the coveted £10 bonus for scoring the clubs first goal.
Pursuit of redemption was the fuel Summerfield needed as he was blamed for gifting Codename their goal when Davis played him into trouble and he had the ball taken off him and stabbed home by Francis Benali, on six minutes. But Summerfield made amends with a similar strike when he nipped in to stroke the ball home following a poor clearance from Codename goalkeeper Barry Bethell aka 'Fat-Boy-Slimfast'.

Shortly after the equaliser and debutant Billy Bishop went on a Cafu-like run and saw his long-range volley well held by Bethell (who can be seen on google earth) 'Boro played the better football throughout the remainder of the first half, Dave Connor was desperately unlucky to see his twenty yard strike hit the bar and the score remained deadlocked at half-time. Again 'Boro dominated the second-half, pushing forward and creating chance after chance but could find no way past sub-keeper Bryan Gunn, Simon Hartland, also making his 'Boro debut, went close but hit the side netting following a nice one-two with Connor.

Codename could have won the game late on when Mixu Paatalainen ran through unchallenged but could only hit the outside of the post, one-all it finished but 'Boro will take away many positives from this game: "You know, I can't believe how well we've played here tonight, I've got to be honest-Dave Connor and Mat Shotton both looked even better this week with so much confidence, there didn't seem to be any problem having Bishop and Hartland come in and play well-everyone gelled. Bit disappointed that we didn't go on and win because we had a lot of great chances but that's football."

'Boro: 1.Davis 2.Summerfield 3.Shotton 12.Bishop 6.Connor 16.Hartland

Premiership
Past-It FC 2-0 Middlesborozil FC
Second placed Past-It beat 'Boro by two goals but the title race is surely over as Wicks Wanderers won 2-1 against Accrington Geoffrey, Wanderers only require a single point from their remaining two games to clinch the premiership trophy.
Jimmy-Flloyd Hasselhoff scored both the goals that sunk a flat looking Middlesborozil side, who were behind as early as the fourth minute when Hasselhoff cut inside Shotton and placed the ball into the top right-hand corner beating Davis all-ends-up.

In the second half, as usual, 'Boro came into it more and worked the ball around a tired looking Past-It team, however a sloppy backpass from Summerfield let in Hasselhoff who toepoked it past Davis to ensure the points; will it be in vain or will their be a stunning twist in the tale?

1.Davis 2.Summerfield 3.Shotton 12.Bishop 6.Connor 16.Hartland

'END OF AN ERA'
The unusual and brief story of Middlesborozil is over, the team will be playing at the Birmingham University leisure-league on thursday from now on under the new name of 'LA GALAXY CARAMEL FC' in honour and respect of David Beckham (pay attention McLaren, oops! Too late, you butcher-looking tit.)

Once again Player/Manager/Secretary/Press Officer Phil Davis has the added headache of inheriting a team on the brink of relegation to division two: "Oh for fuck's sake, not again....I'll see what I can do...I mean I'm a goalkeeper not Kofi Anan. Following recent speculation, the board (me and richie summerfield) have decided to rename the team and move, some of us already play at the new venue, some have played before, it's a better playing surface, the teams are more likely to turn up, the standard is better but the referee's are still shockingly bad, but that is football."