MIDDLESBOROZIL NEWS

'Boro 5
Accrington Geofrey 0

Leisure-leagues imposed a five-nil defeat upon 'no-show' Accrington Geoffrey and awarded Middlesborozil the victory. Player/manager Phil Davis had this to say: "Well, you know, I'm a bit disappointed that they've not turned up, maybe they were scared? I was looking forward to it but it just means safety should be reachable next week which is fantastic."
The forfeit result means that 'boro could climb to fourth if they beat second placed 'Past It FC' on thursday night, they remain fourth fom bottom but the season will surely culminate in a fascinating finale, both at business end and the basement.

Middlesborozil 0-3 'Slobs R us'
Slobs were easy winners of this friendly as Carlton Palmer opened the scoring after 4 minutes with a simple one-on-on finish which was added to by Chris Kiwonmya and Eddie McGoldrick, who each scored in the second half against a lack-lustre 'boro side. "Teething problems, that's all, we're new to eachother and getting used to this playing area is not easy, you know, different sized and shaped penalty area's at either end of a pitch that is wider that it is long which is covered in sand....it's going to take time and patience, it will come together."

1.Davis 2.Summerfield 3.Shotton 4.Walker 15.Sorenson 6.Connor


FURIOUS NEWS-FLASH
Lamp-Lard turns down Middlesborozil move.
'Boro player/manager Phil Davis say's that he is disappointed that he was unable to lure the chelski and england midfielder away from Stamford 'The' Bridge following week-long negotiations: "Well, we offered him a four and a half year deal worth £145,000 a-week but Lampard's agent said that was a poultry amount; which is a coincidence because Frank was eating exactly 145llbs of fried chicken at the meeting when I made that offer."


"He's a fucking winker"
Christiano Ronaldo was also a 'target' for Davis this summer but unfortunately the brummie 'keeper missed and was unable to reload in time before the winger scuttled off looking sweaty.